Two babies means twice the energy, Twice the poop, twice the exhaustion. You will get them into schedules but they won’t align exactly. One baby will be teething and need you more, One might just be in a growth phase; whatever it is you have to somehow have a routine while also going with the flow. Took us a while to learn that one and it’s still a struggle for control freak me. I slowly learnt that my own sense of control was something I had to let go of and to learnt to willingly submit to “twin rules”. #twinsurvival
As a mom I learnt that I had to somewhere inside me become a lioness... deeply primal and often in survival mode - I have picked up babies by the scruffs of their vests, legs, & collars, I have growled at strangers, slept standing up, used my legs as arms and toes as coffee cup holders, I’ve broken bones, bruised boobs, torn muscles, breast-pumped in shops, driving, walking, eating, having a coffee date, and sleeping, I’ve also breastfed babies upside down and inside out. I stood up and defended our way and our Cubs; I became this incredible mamma lion that I never knew existed inside me. I left the past fears behind me and all the social norms went in the bin, I truly learnt to humble myself. My boys eat off the floor, still drink bottles & use dummies, and we aren’t even close to being potty trained yet. I have two very busy boys, other twin moms may have it all together but my boys seem to be a collective force of nature that won’t be controlled by anyone let alone mom. I tend to just sit back with a coffee and smile at the madness around me and hope that one day I will get the stains out of the walls and couches. I have realised that if you pretend it’s not happening they seem to calm down, I think they mostly do it to get our attention.
You are always giving little people attention and it can feel overwhelming so try
Create your lion pride ASAP by adjusting or cutting out suffocating relationships; your energy can’t give much right now to those who drain it so find what works for you, (WHATEVER that is) we tried it all and realised we actually needed nothing but our own sanity and OUR own unique family way.
That led us into cutting out the crap... mental and physical. You are often told that you need a lot of stuff with twins. It certainly was not the case with us. The twins just want to be together with you. They don’t demand much from you other than your presence. If you constantly feel like there is a lot of “stuff” around you, you struggle to feel present and enjoy the space that you are in with your twins.
So we minimised everything, we donated trailers of toys and stuff that we hadn’t touched in months. We needed a clear space to think and breath.
We found being parents to three children under 4 extremely stressful at times so we both found ourselves good therapists... you truly need it. Or a friend who listens extremely well. You are stuck inside a lot and often can’t get out with twins. Try find a good walking buddy to escape your 4 walls.
Those 4 walls often become a prison in your mind if you don’t escape it fast. So try take up boxing, yoga or whatever fills your chi, and release the inner beast!!! That inner beast needs to be released otherwise it rages on your partner and they carry just as much as you do so they don’t deserve it and you will feel guilt over it later.
Try take each moment as it comes, because things can often feel too much when you think about them all at once. It’s okay to forget to wash the babies bedding, they will survive. It’s okay to use tv as a baby sitter so you can actually use the bathroom, again, they will survive because they are loved and nourished.
If you can find me-time and hubby-time (even if it’s 5minutes a day taking a short walk together). But I must be honest me-time often feels a little guilty, like if you enjoy time without them then you love them less, enjoying time without them is okay but you often want to rush home to them too. It’s weird but mom guilt is real and tough to just dust off.
Lastly, drink LOADS of caffeine, take long slow walks, or on rainy days go for long slow drives with them, and, remember to breath deeply in the shower and to trust your inner voice. Also just know that when you go out with the twins you will feel like animals in a zoo (everyone will stare but no one will help). You get the “I’m so sorry this is your life” stare. You also get the “rather you than me” stare. People will probably move away when you sit close to them or you will get people asking a million stupid questions. Smile politely and avoid eye contact, people will catch on. Try stay focussed on the fact that you are out of the house and maybe just survive that.
We are so grateful for our twins as they have taught us some extremely valuable life lessons and humbled us beyond compare. They made us see who we are and love ourselves for it.
If you are just beginning your twin journey just remember it’s crazy beautiful and YOU both have got this! The bond is unique and deep and it just grows and grows.
You might not think it but you will survive and I promise things DO get a lot better when you start to see the little humans uniquely developing. It’s special and rare. They share a connection and sensitivity for others that only they understand.
Don’t try do it like someone else or even the way you did it before if you had a child before. It’s not the same. Don’t follow single parents, it’s hard to look at them when you cant do the same things. And try not feel too guilty when you make small mistakes because you are keeping two little humans alive and nourished and you deserve an award for that alone.
Be easy on yourself because you were chosen to do something because of who you are not what you are so try not focus on the doing just focus on the being. Being you is all your baby needs right now. Two unique humans chose you to love them; that’s special.